Monday, December 25, 2017

Money

Rory really appreciated Grandma. Grandma always knew that cash was the best gift for a graduate student. Birthdays, holidays, Mondays... you could always count on cash from Grandma. 

Also, Rory really appreciated Mondays.

Monday, December 18, 2017

Spatula

Rory learned the hard way that not all tools are multipurpose tools. For example, the combo spatula / flyswatter was not a good idea.

Monday, December 11, 2017

Break

Reese was looking forward to reading for pleasure during the break. And sleeping for pleasure. And playing video games for pleasure. And watching mindless TV for pleasure. And eating and drinking for pleasure. 

(pause)

Reese was pretty much planning on Dionysusing all during the break.

Monday, December 4, 2017

Feelings


As the end of another semester approached, the students had so many feelings. So very many different feelings.

(pause)

Oops. I meant toy heads. The students had so very many different toy heads.

Monday, November 27, 2017

Roommates

Rory was not tidy and would  leave out dishes and food and other things around the apartment. Rory didn't mind a bit of a mess. The apartment was just going to get messy again later, so why worry about it.

Rory's roommate Bert, on the other hand, was a bit more of a stickler for tidiness. Bert had already had to ask one roommate to move out and had hoped that wouldn't have to happen again...

Monday, November 20, 2017

Mashed Potatoes


Blaine was in charge of making the mashed potatoes while at home for the break. It seemed symbolic in a way - mashing the potatoes and transforming them. They still maintained many potato qualities, but they were different. This was much like Blaine's experience with the graduate program. Transformed, but maintaining some qualities. Also Blaine felt like the past semester was one long experience of being beaten by a hand mixer.

"Maybe I won't be mashed potatoes as a result of this semester," thought Blaine. "Maybe I'll just be a couch potato for a while." Blaine laughed really hard at the joke. 

Blaine wasn't really that great at jokes. That was why they didn't say jokes out loud very often.

Monday, November 13, 2017

Demon


The students wouldn't go so far as to say that the professor was some sort of demon. Mainly because the professor had such good hearing and they would get in trouble.

Friday, November 10, 2017

Tired


Sometimes students get to the point that they just have to say, "I can't even."

I guess if you have that's short for, "I can't even finish this sentence in a way that would make it a complete sentence and not a fragment." In which case, they should go take a nap and drink some vitamin C and come back and we can finish the conversation.

Monday, October 30, 2017

Spooky


Parker was freaked out by scary stories. A few particularly terrifying ones in this book included:

"The Day of the Pop Quiz."

"You Read the Wrong Chapter - Now You Fail Grad School."

"The Faculty Member Doesn't Think You're Funny."

"Rumplestilstudent: The Grad Assistant Who was Forced to Spin Data Into Gold!"

"The Group Project From Hell."

Parker thought, "These are so scary!" And also, "Where did this book even come from?!"

Monday, October 23, 2017

Eek

Rory tried to trick Frankie by asking if their term paper - which wasn't due for six weeks - was finished. Frankie was working on the third draft, but felt confident it would be done by the deadline. When Frankie said that, Rory got scared and decided a few things...

Rory decided not to tease people about their homework again.

Rory also decided to go ahead and get started on that term paper.

Rory also decided that it was wise - whenever possible - to work on group projects with Frankie.

Monday, October 16, 2017

Dog


Sometimes when home alone Dog thought about research. Dog had amazing research skills. Dog was brilliant with both APA and MLA as well as Chicago. Dog could type about 228 words per minute. Dog was great at data analysis, literature reviews, copyediting, drafting outlines, etc.

"Too bad," thought dog, "That you keep yelling at me to get away from the computer. I could be a lot of help. Oh well..."

Then dog chuckled and chewed the cord off a cell phone charger.

Monday, October 9, 2017

Ready

Rory was ready to graduate. Rory had a cap and gown and a mock up (self created) of the diploma and a new briefcase.

Unfortunately, Rory wouldn't graduate for another year and a half.

Monday, October 2, 2017

Sitting

It was that time of the semester when Parker needed some alone time. Sitting in a favorite chair and watching the sun go down as the room got darker and darker, Parker thought about accomplishments and all that remained to be done this semester.

Parker liked days like this, but just wasn't sure why they always seemed to happen the day before a major paper was due.

Also, Parker reflected on how little joy there was in writing major papers.

Monday, July 31, 2017

Dogs


Blaine LOVED the dog days of summer.

Blaine also would have liked to have been named "Summer."

Monday, July 24, 2017

Choose your -ic


Morosa always had to put up with others judgments. They felt like Morosa should be like them. That was the right way to be. Colorful. Cheerful. Effervescent. Outgoing. If you weren't those things, you were wrong. Or something was wrong with you.

Morosa may have been monochromatic, but the other students were dualistic. 

Monday, July 17, 2017

Welding


Things are going welding for me. Are you done with your assignment? 

Not yeti!

Monday, July 10, 2017

Thinking

The pizza that had been sitting out overnight was probably fine to eat. Just to be safe, Parker decided to examine the pizza more carefully.

Parker hated having a set of well-developed set of critical thinking skills. 

Parker hoped there was some of last night's chicken still in the microwave.

Monday, July 3, 2017

Hm.


The librarian was always suspicious of students who visited the library close to the holidays. She suspected they were up to no good. This was the same feeling she got when students visited the library at other times of the year. The librarian was a suspicious person.

Coincidentally, she was working on a book called, "The Suspicious Librarian."

Monday, June 26, 2017

Yelling.


Lots of talking (yelling). Lots of arguing (yelling). Lots of "perspective sharing" (yelling). Lots of clever little quips (yelling). 

Not so much listening.

Not so much learning.

Not so much coming together.

Not so much just graduate students.

Monday, June 19, 2017

Unique

Rory hated it when his neighbor came over wearing the same outfit. "Twinsies!!" Reese would shout.

Rory hated that. Rory also thought Reese should get a haircut.

Monday, June 12, 2017

News

He hated it when people said, "No news is good news." 

He would growl back at them, "No! No news is IGNORANCE."

Study up on those current events, people. If you don't justice is gonna get you.

Monday, June 5, 2017

Desk

Parker had a standing desk.

This was only tangentially related to the fact that Parker's desk chair was missing.

Monday, May 29, 2017

Hanging Out

Reese: Hanging out before summer school classes starts is pretty fun, isn't it?

Jessie: It really is. No homework. No stress. No worries.

(pause. "Take Five" by The Dave Brubeck Quartet playing in the background.

Reese: I think summer classes already started, didn't they?

Jessie: Yep. About two weeks ago.

(pause. music continues)

Reese: Do you think we should ---

Jessie: SH. You're ruining my denial.

Monday, May 22, 2017

Summer

Everyone is so excited about summer. Sure, they have classes. Sure, they have assistantships. Sure, they have projects. Sure they have to do a lot in less time than a regular semester. 

Sure, they have no idea what they're in for.

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Yike!

Parker sat down for a moment to relax between the spring term and summer term. They accidentally fell asleep. When they woke up, they realized they were late for the first course of the summer.

Poor Parker.

Monday, May 8, 2017

Graduation

The road ahead may not be easy. It may not be as difficult as it looks in this photo. You have your education. No one can take it away from you.

That diploma on the other hand... Better get that someplace safe because if you lose it you have to retake all your classes.

Monday, May 1, 2017

What are they gonna do?

So you got a job!  Congratulations. And now you're walking around with a few assignments left thinking, "What are they going to do, fail me?!"

Jokes on you, smarty. They will fail you. Then you won't get to start that job. Do your dang homework!!

Monday, April 24, 2017

Ready?

Congratulations if you are graduating. Keep up the good work if you aren't. Either way, there is more to do, so get ready.

Oh, I don't mean "get wound up" like get stressed and tense and anxious. I mean get wound up like get excited and get going and...

Okay, wound up isn't a good way to put it.

Stop bothering me and go read a book or work on your job search.

Monday, April 17, 2017

Support

After a LOT of challenge, Rory needed a little extra support at the end of the term. Fortunately, Batman was able to provide that to Rory. Good job this year, Rory! Good job this year, Batman!

Monday, April 10, 2017

Park

Parker wasn't sure how this had happened. "I'm going to spend the day in the park studying for exams," is what Parker had said. "I'm going to spend the day with the pork studying for exams," is what Parker's strange new friend had heard. 

To be honest, Parker didn't know who that person was. Parker also wasn't sure where one gets a pig costume.

Parker had so much left to learn before graduation. So much to learn.

Monday, April 3, 2017

Ready

Rory didn't know how to do any work until the apartment was clean. And then when it was clean, Rory couldn't do any work until there was a snack. Then Rory had to wait until all the email was clear, the social media accounts were up to date, and Mom was called.

Finally, Rory got ready to sit down and finish that assignment.

(pause)

Rory hated it when the roommates stole the desk chair.

Monday, March 27, 2017

Must Haves

Parker had three things that made the chaos of graduate school bearable: warm and comfortable pajamas, a hat appropriate for either good OR bad hair days, and a magical coffee cup. Okay, it wasn't magical, but when it was full of coffee it was. So shut up.

Monday, March 20, 2017

Trash

Rory loved doing spring cleaning. Everything felt better after that. There was no way Rory was cleaning out the garbage can, though. That was gross. That would wait for fall cleaning. Or checking out of the apartment cleaning. Or roommate's turn to do the cleaning cleaning.

Rory didn't throw away any old assignments, though. Those would all come in handy when the program was over and the full time job had started. Rory would refer back to these exams and papers to inform the work done in the future. 

Silly, naive Rory. You keep those papers, my friend. And you move them around the country for the next ten years. THEN and ONLY THEN will you have made your peace and be able to recycle those papers. Trust me. It's the way things are.

Monday, March 13, 2017

Dream

Rory didn't understand when people said they were "living the dream." "The dream" had yet to be defined for Rory. Rory thought that was the point of graduate school - to figure part of that out.

That said... Rory did sometimes dream of quitting school and becoming a cheese monger. Because Rory liked cheese. And the word "monger."

Monday, March 6, 2017

Communication

There are so many ways to communicate and those ways change all the time. It is important to surround yourself with people who will help you stay current with new and emerging ways of communicating. Here is a story about that...

Rory thought there was so much to learn from one of the professors this semester. Now - that seemed less likely. It made Rory very sad.

The other day Rory and a group of students were meeting with this professor.  One of the students from Rory's research group was running late, so the group told the prof that the late person was "OTW." Then someone said, "Um... you know what that means, right, Professor? OTW?"

The professor paused and said, "Yes. I know." (It was clear this was a stalling tactic because the professor did in fact NOT know.) "It means...  Outta This World," the professor finished hopefully. 

The entire group of students looked at the floor sadly and shook their heads. Then the professor said, "Wait! It means "On The Way!!" Right?!"

They smiled and congratulated their teacher for figuring it out. Deep down though they were still pretty sad that the professor hadn't known. And probably also even more sad that the faculty member cheated in their guess and used the word "outta." 

Get over it, students. If you haven't figured it out yet, there is a TON of stuff your faculty don't know and lots of times they have no idea what they're talking about!

Monday, February 27, 2017

Mysteries


Is there such a thing as a sasquatch / bigfoot?  No one knows for sure.

Is there such a thing as an abominable snowman / yeti?  No one knows for sure.

Are you actually going to graduate this semester?  No one...  Well, you get the idea.

Monday, February 20, 2017

Creative

Parker is going to have everyone in class do a painting as part of the "creative component" to an upcoming presentation. Parker hopes people spill paint and paint thinner in the classroom. Parker thinks that will teach the faculty an important lesson about always requiring a "creative component" to presentations.

Monday, February 13, 2017

2/14

Tomorrow is February 14th. Parker LOVES February 14th! It's the day that Oregon became a state in 1859.

Wait.

Why did you think Parker LOVES February 14th?

Monday, February 6, 2017

Group work.

The team was not convinced that Skyler was paying full attention and making an equitable contribution to the project.

Monday, January 30, 2017

Care

Parker does not always exercise good self-care. Sometimes Parker works too many hours at a time or doesn't take time to reflect and relax. As a result work produced or students assisted don't always get Parker's best efforts.

Fortunately, Parker has a dog named Vector. Vector does a pretty good job of letting Parker know when it's time to take a break.

Monday, January 23, 2017

Unprepared

Parker was not prepared for class. Rather than spending some time doing reading and going in with a sense of confidence and a willingness to take risks in sharing insights, Parker consulted the 8 ball.

Parker: Will I be okay in class today even though I haven't done my homework?
8 Ball: Don't count on it.

Parker: (assuming a more thorough shaking of the 8 Ball would produce more accurate results) Should I be worried about class today since I haven't done my reading?
8 Ball: It is certain.

Parker: (now in complete panic mode and thinking maybe it was the phrasing of the question that threw off the 8 Ball from giving a good response) I shouldn't be worried about going to class today, right?!!
8 Ball: Reply hazy. Try again.

Parker: (now a little relieved, but still in pursuit of a clearer response) I should NOT be worried about going to class today, right?
8 Ball: Outlook not so good.

Parker threw the 8 Ball into the trash.

Note: Relying on the 8 Ball may not be the best way to get guidance for your academic career.

Monday, January 16, 2017

Called On

EVERY. OTHER. PERSON. in class raised their hands, but the teacher insisted on calling on Rory. Rory didn't particularly like that. It's as if their faculty member expected EVERYONE to learn the material. That seemed unreasonable to Rory.

Monday, January 9, 2017

Bag

Rory was excited to have a new book bag for the new semester. Rory was sure that the new bag would help with organization, time management, communication skills, APA, information retention, exam preparation, study skills, financial responsibility, note-taking, listening skills, and stress management.

Rory's expectations for the new bag were unreasonably high.

Monday, January 2, 2017

2017

Dear 2017,

Hi. I hope you are doing well so far. I am writing you this letter because I want us to get a few things in order before the new semester at school begins. 

First, let's just agree that you are going to go by quickly. I know that it won't always feel that way, but it will be true. 

Next, I plan on having more good times than bad. It would be great if you could support me on that. I know that ultimately it is up to me to make that happen, and I will. That said, I'm not sure what all is in store and I'd like more good days than bad. Thanks in advance for that.

Third, I'm going to need more naps than I have in the past. That's a non-negotiable.

Fourth, I'd like to live in the moment more and worry about the future less. That may seem counterintuitive given that I'm writing this letter to the upcoming year. I'm trying to exercise foresight now so I can relax more and enjoy each day more in the future.

Finally, let's make this the best year we can. Grad school is hard, but participating in higher education is a privilege. I need to remember that. I have lots of opportunities and people who support me. I need to appreciate that. I am responsible for my own choices and behaviors - don't let me forget that. Happiness takes work and I'm willing to do my part and I hope that you 2017 are willing to do yours.

One more thing... if you could help me lose my car keys less and do the assigned reading a bit more this year, that would be much appreciated.

Love, Parker.